Sound of Silence
by Senpai's Boo
Summary: The human mind is unbelieveably strong, as long as you have a strong enough will. As a psychologist, Ayumi Shinozaki learned that after meeting her new client, Yoshiki Kishinuma. A young man who's been suffering from a psychological and physical issue for over 8 years. Ayumi is willing to do anything to help him, but they end up getting closer than they anticipated.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm finally back! This A/N will be long like every first A/N, so feel free to skip it if you don't give a shit about me XD**

 **I've started writing a lot of emotional and psycological love stories lately, haven't I? I seriously hope you guys like those kind of stories, 'cause those are all gravy for me to write! I do believe that with a dramatic plot and characters, the connection and romance will speak to you much more powerfully. It's especially worth it when I read your guys' reactions to the «crazy» moments via reviews and PM's! This story will be more on the psycological side and it was a very emotional for me to write, so I hope you guys will love this one too! (I have the best readers in the world, after all!) PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Alright…»

She doesn't seem very enthusiastic, does she? Oh, who am I kidding… Of course. Let me remind you, eh? This girl visited me the first time three weeks ago. The first week: She wrote his name all over his diary and also drew his new girlfriend with a large tumor in her forehead with the caption: «MAY SHE DIE A THOUSAND TIMES IN HELL.» The second week: She tried to befriend her and asked her out for a cup of coffee. But after «accidently» blurting out that they got engaged, she fricking stabbed the palm of her hand with a fork. And that takes us to today.

«Please, Saenoki-san… You need to understand that he showed you so much love by telling you the truth the moment he crossed the line. Do you know how lucky you were?» I asked her. She painfully closed her eyes and nodded, her eyelids twitching when she said: «I know, I know… But I would've been luckier if he stayed with me! I love him… I love him so much!»

I sighed. I didn't let it out, though. So it kinda went through my nose. «Saenoki-san… Don't you think he was just a stepping stone to something better? Someone better?» I asked, trying to cheer her up. Heartbroken, young women were one of my most common clients since I started my career as a clinical psycologist 2 years ago. Well… Men too, actually. When it comes to men, it was usually men who had fallen in love with prostitutes and gotten heartbroken by them. I seriously never signed up for this. I was supposed to help with intense problems, not just heartbreaks!

«I have no idea… I don't think I'll ever find someone as good as him,» she admitted. I patted her on the shoulder and said: «You will. Trust me. Whenever you think you're ready to love again, please come and see me if you need help.» I think that was a conclusion. Yeah, it must have been. 'Cause miss Saenoki already started getting dressed for the November weather.

«Thank you very much, Shinozaki-san. You've been such a big help, helping me improve,» she thanked me before going. Have I really? I chuckled quietly when the sound of her footsteps got distant enough. I closed the door behind me and laid back down in my chair, stretching my arms and sighing.

At least I'm glad I could help her… I've been here for 4 hours now and the sun will go down in just an hour, according to the weather forecast. I messed around in my breast pocket for my phone, but felt something that made me remember something I forgot. I silently smiled for myself and picked up the tiny plastic tube from my pocket and just admired it.

«Demon mist» I read the title out loud automatically, my body trembling in excitement. Just the color… The fricking color! I fell in love with it the moment I saw it at the store. Luckily, since I have such a freaky taste, there were stacks of them left. I was supposed to put it on before I went to work, but… Um… Yeah.

«Shinozaki-san? You in there?»

Oh crap! I quickly put it away when I recognized Onizaki-san's voice. «Y-Yeah! Come on in!» I said as calmly as I could, making my boss Onizaki-sensei open the door as once. Heh, she really was waiting for me to say that, huh…

With her classy, black boots making her steps shout, she catwalked her way into my office and gave me a gentle smile, shyly showing off her bright, red lips. For some weird reason, she only started wearing that lipstick when her nephew, Satoshi Mochida started working as her secretary. «I want to prove to him that I'm a boss with class and style,» was the most reasonable answer she gave me. She had a motherly voice and didn't look that old, despite being around 40.

«And how are you today?» she asked with her motherly voice. «Y'know… Good,» I replied. What was with that «y'know»?! She let out a laugh that sounded more like a sigh. «I have some news that might be to your liking, though!» she said exitedly.

My mind brightened up as well as my eyes.

«Really?!» I asked and jumped up from my chair. Her laugh sounded more like a laugh this time. «Yes! Actually, you're getting a new client tomorrow,» she said. I knitted my eyebrows together. «And…?» I asked, digging for something more. Onizaki-san scratched her chin and said: «This client used to have a doctor as his «psychologist», since his problem was considered as an illness. After a few years though, they decided that he should try conseltations with a clinical psychologist. I just had a meeting with your next client's doctor just a few minutes ago.»

«Uh..huh…» I mumbled after a while of processing. «So… What is his condition, exactly?» I asked. She had a troubled look on her face and crossed her arms. «He… He said it's though to explain. Something about «It's not one thing, and neither the other». He said that you'll understand after spending 24 hours in a row with him.

I cocked my head to the side, confused. Must be some serious shit, if he thought that it would be easier for me to find out myself. «I'm sure you'll take good care of him. Good luck!» Onizaki-sensei said with a smile and a pat on my head before walking out.

Hmm… I guess it's a relief that I don't get another heartbroken client though! I sighed and slowly pulled out my hairband and wipped my hair side to side like in shampoo-commercials. Ah… Such a nice feeling… Right, it's safe to get ready to go outside now!

I picked up my phone, turned on the front camera and turned the lid around several times before I finally managed to open it, revealing the small, furry brush. I gently slid it along my upper lip, spreading the terrifyingly dark purple shade and then on the slightly more plump bottom lip.

Ah… I love it so much…

…

«Hey, Shinozaki! You on your way home?» I turned to the side as I walked, enjoying the surprised look on Mochida-kun's face. It really is a bold color… «Mhm! Good work today, Mochida-kun!» I said, purposely rejecting him and laughing. «You're so cold, Shinozaki!» he wined out after me. It's easy to get along with him since we only were a few years apart.

…

The icy wind seeped through the fabric of my black coat as I walked down the street in Tokyo, packed with people. I didn't have that many things to think about. Only what I should have for dinner. Only what I should wear the next day. Only what…

My thoughts crashlanded when I suddenly faceplanted against a solid… wall? «Ow…» I wined out and rubbed my nose. What was that…? A wall made out of steel or something?! I opened my eyes with my gaze faced forward and noticed a piece of fabric that looked similar enough to a regular masculine jacket. It was… a guy?! Oh no, how careless of me! I immediately looked up at what I assumed where his face was and stuttered out:

«I-I'm so…sorry…»

My voice literally faded out at the sigh of the incredibly handsome features, melted into that pale skin. Silver, sharp eyes, a long nose and thin, well-shaped lips… The shape of his face even! He looked as panicked as I was and said with the roughest voice I'd ever heard:

«No, I should apologize! I-I literally didn't move my gaze from the sky! I was just thinking that it may snow soon, and I…»

Could he be the very talkative person? I collected myself and said: «I guess we both were a little absentminded, or what?» He chuckled and nodded. His smile… My goodness, his smile! An unwanted silence followed, and I decided to slap on some small talk. «Well… Maybe it will snow, like you said?» I asked.

It was then I noticed what his gaze was fixed on.

At first I thought he was looking at my breasts and almost freaked out. But after looking at his eyes while talking, his gaze was targeted at something a bit higher.

My lips.

Hehe… maybe he really likes this color? «Yup. Do you see those long, veil-like clouds?» he asked and pointed at the sky. Hm? Why is he suddenly asking me this…? «Um… Yeah…» I replied and looked where his finger pointed. «Those clouds usually mean that there's a cold weather on the way,» he explained. Ooooh… «Nice… I'll remember that,» I said and smiled at him, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. No, seriously… It sounds very cheesy like in tales about love at first sight, but… I seriously forgot every single worry by just looking into those beautiful eyes squinting at me.

«Well then…» He sadly shrugged his shoulders, preparing himself to leave. «Have a good night,» I said. He nodded, flashed me one last grin and walked past me, only leaving a small hint of fragrance from him.

My blood boiled underneath my skin… This is stupid. I won't even see him again, so why am I suddenly getting so attatched!? I shook my head and continued walking. I need to focus on tomorrow, for God's sake! But the whole way back, I couldn't forget…

… there was something about the way he stared at my lips.

 **A/N: Oh, why is that? Was it really just because of her wild lips colour? I hope you like the first chapter! Plz review your thoughts! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I have an update when it comes to the writing school I've applied to! Nothing that exciting, but I think it's necessary if I consider to write during the end of the summer and fall. The company «Gyldendal» will decide which 10 individuals they will choose as students in June. They have to choose between fucking 450 «authors at heart» so there's only a 45% chance that I'll get in ;-; But still hoping! Alright guys, keep wishing me luck! Oh well, PLZ ENJOY ;3**

Demon mist.

I read the name out loud unconciously, once again. Gosh, I hope no one heard me… I looked around as I walked down the barely enlightened city og Tokyo. Everyone seemed to be way too busy thinking about themselves. I smiled and just stared at the liquid lipstick with the incredibly gothic color, which I loved. Loved. I don't want to spread fear just after the first day, so I think I'll skip this today.

I smacked my dry lips together and ran my hands through my tight pony tail. I was meeting my new client today. A client who seemed like a complicated person, based on what Onizaki-san said. But for the love of Buddha, it wasn't another youngster with love troubles! I sighed and felt my grip on my handbag tighten. I'm getting nervous, so I need to remember what a pro I am. I am proffesional… I need to remember that. I have feelings and I need to try to get to know him… I felt my pride build itself up as I laid my hand on my heart.

I thought I would keep my control the rest of the day.

…

«Shinozaki! Morning!» I heard Mochida-kun excitedly said the moment he saw me at the entrance, waving at me from his desk. I waved back and breathed out a laugh at him. He's so childish, isn't he? But I'm glad he isn't anti-social. «Do you know where Onizaki-san is?» I asked. His eyebrows perked up in realization. «Oh, you'll just have to go to your office. She and your new client is waiting for you there,» he informed me. «Ah, thanks! See you later, then,» I said and was about to leave when I heard his voice one more time.

«U-Um, Shinozaki! Wanna go for a coffee or something when we're on break? My treat!»

Oh no… This again… Last time we went out for coffee, we didn't have anything to talk about. Nothing at all. If it's gonna be an awkward talk between «buddies», I'd rather come up with a conventional excuse.

«It's my first time with this client. I think it's better to focus on getting to know him today,» I said as naturally as I could. He seemed to buy it, luckily. But he looked really disappointed. «Of course… Well, do your best!» he said, scratching the back of his neck.

«Thanks a lot!»

…

«Oh, good morning Shinozaki-san! Your new client is here!» Onizaki-san didn't even wait to say those words before I even closed the door behind me, leaving an echo. Boss had her hands folded together while she stood in front of… a familiar figure.

Wait… No way.

«It's you!» the young, blonde man spilled out from his lips before I realized it myself. He gave me a big toothy grin as I just stood there with my jaw hanging in mid air. Where is his shock!? WHAT ABOUT ME?!

«Huh, you know each other?» Onizaki-sensei asked the guy who apparently was my new client. «Yeah, kind of. We actually met just yesterday,» he explained, his eyes fixed on her lips. What?! She's not even wearing lipstick today! «Ah, how lovely. Then I'll just leave you two alone. I hope you two will get along!»

That was all she left me with.

…

I thought I was going to throw up right there. This is faith. This must be faith! All power was drained from my legs and I literally fell down on the floor, covering my mouth. «Woah!» he yelled out again and just stared wide-eyed at me. I'm gonna throw up… I'm so going to throw up!

«This was quite the coincidence, right? I had no idea you were a psychologist,» the guy said and chuckled. I just looked up at him like I was praying to him. I have control. I'm proffesional. I HAVE CONTROL!

Alright… I took a deep breath, got up on my feet and introduced myself: «I must say… Well, I'm your personal psychologist from now on. My name is Ayumi Shinozaki.» He looked pleased and returned it: «Nice to meet you. I'm Yoshiki Kishinuma.» Kishinuma-kun… Sigh, that name is suddenly so wonderful… Woah, I can't keep thinking of him like that! I have to keep it professional and act like the psychologist I am!

«Please, have a seat,» I said and waited for him to sit down on the beige, leather chair in front of my own office chair. He gave me an approving nod and sat down, so I did the same and picked up my notebook and pen. Sigh… Alright, let's do this.

«And how are you today, Kishinuma-kun?» I asked. With our introductions out of the way, he seemed really reserved and stiff. I know, it was a really dry question to start with, but to earn trust from a client, you have to be whole-heartedly kind. If you can only be cold, you have nothing to do as a psychologist.

«Um… Okay?» he uncomfortably replied. The way he spoke, almost yelled that he was against having a psycologist, but that was just a hunch. «I assume that Onizaki-san has already talked to you about the rules for me?» I asked. He gave me a confused look, so I explained: «The rules that I have no right to talk about my clients' conditions and secrets to other people and all that.» «Oooh…» he moaned out and nodded. «Therefore, don't hesitate to tell me anything. I'm only here to help you, but you need to help me as well. Do you understand?» I asked. He kept his gaze fixed on my lips the entire time I was talking, but looked into my eyes when I finished. Surprisingly, it didn't make me uneasy at all. It was like we were aknowledging each other by just commucating with our eyes. I was writing down general information about him, when he suddenly returned to his past talkative self:

«You're a nice person, Shinozaki.»

I stopped moving my pen and just looked up at him from my notebook. It was weird… Being told that straight up that you're nice was weird. But… How could he seem so innocent..? «… How can you tell?» I asked curiously. He puffed up his cheeks a bit and mumbled: «Your lips move so swiftly and your eyes… they kinda float over the objects you look at. With all that, there's no way you're a bad person.»

My heart grew wings at the warm words he used to describe me. He really has a way with words, doesn't he… He's different, and I'm not thinking that just because he talks different from other people. «You're very kind yourself, Kishinuma-kun,» I said, feeling my cheeks heat up. He gave me a slight grin and asked: «So… Aren't you gonna ask me questions?» I tilted my head to the side, giggled and asked: «May I?» He purposely copied me to point out the weird face I was making.

«Sure.»

…

«You've had appointments with your doctor for over 8 years?» I repeated, trying not to sound shocked. I'm sure it would've made him feel uncomfortable. «Yup. It wasn't all for granted though… I guess,» he muttered. He didn't talk about his issues, so I assumed that he didn't want to talk about that just yet. «… How old are you?» I asked after unconciously stared at him for a while. He doesn't look that much older than me. «I turned 25 last month,» he explained. Oh, only a year older than me…

«Kishinuma-kun, do you know why your doctor suddenly wanted you to see a psychologist after 8 years?» I asked. I saw two of his white teeth barely bite down on his bottom lip. He looked troubled as he tried to press the words out. I didn't want to pressure him, so I just didn't say anything and looked at his squirming hands.

«I…» he gradually stuttered out in a messy voice, close to breaking down. «My doctor… He thought my condiction was caused by a psycological issue.» Huh…? What does that mean? Could it be… Was it this Onizaki-san meant by «complicated»? «What made him think that?» I asked. «Well… He started looking into my past. Before my appointments with him, I mean,» he explained. The more he talked… The more I got attatched to his rough voice and the ties to his background.

«Did he give you any medication? Like, pills?» I asked, guessing that his condition had something to do with depression. He seemed to know what I was getting at, showed a small smile and said: «No, nothing like that. It was merely consultations and a few tests.» I nodded and kept writing down notes that I could just barely read.

…

«Also, this is all optional, but…» I mumbled as I picked up a clear notebook from my desk. «Hm? What is it?» Kishinuma-kun asked when I handed it to him. «This is probably very childish to you, butt his notebook will be your diary from now on,» I said. He raised his eyebrow at me, mockingly. «O…kay?» he said questioningly. «If there is something you don't want to say to me directly but still need to let it out, write it out,» I said matter-of-factly and practically forced it into his hands. He was hesitant, but he took it eventually. «Just to not show any disrespect,» he said.

«Well, I'm on a break now. Do you want a drink, or anything?» I asked. His face lit up like a little kid's. «Um… Do they have ice tea?» he shyly asked. «Mhm! Lime?» I asked, hoping that he would answer what I hoped he would. «Yes, please! Lime's my favourite,» he said. Now it was my face that lit up. It would be unecessary to tell him that it was my favourite too, so I just said: «I'll be right back.»

…

«Kishinuma-kun? I brought your ice tea,» I called out while holding the ice cold can and knocking twice on the door to my office. No answer. Did he go somewhere? I knocked again and called out a bit louder: «Kishinuma-kun? I'm coming in!» No answer. Oh well. Can't say I didn't warn him. I turned the door handle, opened the door and went inside.

…What the hell? Looking ahead of me, I saw Kishinuma-kun standing in front of the large window in my office, his back turned to me. «Kishinuma-kun? Why didn't you answer me just now?» I asked him. Huh?! He didn't budge. He just kept staring blankly at the clouds.

«Kishinuma-kun!» I yelled again. No reaction. Is he ignoring me on purpose?! No way, I must have asked him something that upset him! Well, first I need to catch his attention…

«Kishinuma-kun! This building's on fire!» I said in a panicked voice. Are you kidding me?! Sigh… Just as I was going to give up and sit down on my chair, Kishinuma-kun turned around and jumped when he saw me.

«Oh, you're back Shinozaki-san! Y'know those clouds that kinda look like paint brushes and feathers? They mean the same as those clouds from last night. They mean that a bad weather's on its way.»

Those small, unintentional clues he gave me over our consultation… They all enlightened me in that sudden moment when he turned into his usual chatty self. It was like the time froze. The sounds, the smells… they all vanished. My lips were shaking for a few seconds before I finally let out the words:

«Kishinuma-kun… You're deaf.»

 **A/N: Woah O.O Did you see that coming? I hope you enjoyed the second chapter! Plz review and UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter 3 is up! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

I hadn't said anything at all. Was that what it was like to him? The whole time we had talked, he had understood me so flawlessly, I never would've guessed that he was actually…

Even if he looked at my lips, he still just looked at me with eyes, the sparkles drawn out of them. You didn't want to hear that. I know. You didn't want to see those words being shaped out of my lips. He lowered his eyes, looking down at my feet. He was still smiling, but his eyes were filled with sadness and regret. He tried to speak. His lips were trembling as he breathed out: «You're still nice, Shinozaki… Even though you said it like that. How is that even possible…?»

Huh? What's he talking about? I gulped and sat down on my chair after putting the can of ice tea on the round table between us. However, he didn't do anything. He kept standing there with his gaze lowered to the ground. After a few seconds of silence, it seemed like he sensed that I was going to say something.

«Now that I've reckoned your condition, would you like to continue this conversation?» I asked calmly, not wanting to add gasoline to the already lit fire. Nothing. No motion and no voice. I sighed and said: «I know this must be difficult for you, but remember what I told you? I will never, ever take advantage of the trust you've given me. Also, no one's forcing you to say anything. If it pleases you, I'll let you go right now.»

Kishinuma-kun didn't answer me, but just sat down quietly with stiff movements. As if he was just a still frame moving. I grabbed my notebook and pen and wrote down notes.

«Based on how smoothly you can understand people and talk, it's hard to guess that you're deaf,» I started with, unconciously lowering my voice when I said the word «deaf». He shrugged his shoulders and said: «It's not like I openly say to people that I am.» «That makes sense…» I mumbled. At least he doesn't seem mad at me or anything.

«You've been like this for 8 years?» I asked. «I guess…» he muttered. What's that supposed to mean? Even in just a few hours, I know that he would've just said «yes» or something. But «I guess»?! Sigh… «And you can read lips?» I asked. He nodded and explained: «Even before, I always paid attention to peoples lips. The way they formed words, the way they expressed the way peope lived and thought… I could understand all of that by just looking at their lips.» «That's quite impressive,» I added with a smile. He reacted a little awkwardly to my statement but briefly returned the smile along with a slight shade of red on his cheeks.

«Was it caused by some kind of accident? Like a car accident that damaged the part of your brain that controls your hearing abilities?» I asked. He shook his head like a little kid and said: «No physical damage.» Yet, he wasn't born deaf? I see, this must be what Onizaki-san meant. «So… You're telling me that it's caused by a psychological issue?» I asked. While I asked that, he had opened the can and drunken a large sip. He roughly wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his grey button-up sweather and smacked his lips at me. This isn't going anywhere, is it? That's what I thought when he suddenly replied:

«My doctor never… thought of it as a psychological issue until he looked into my family background. For 8 years, he kept doing tests on me and trying out different tools to give me back my hearing. After a conversation with my parents and understanding the whole «illness», he thought that I needed to see a psychologist.»

«Your… "whole" illness?» I repeated. Kishinuma-kun prepared himself to leave as he said: «You'll eventually understand… I hope.» Oh come on, what's that supposed to mean?! And why are you leaving?! I got up and followed him to the door, stopping him for a minute.

«Earlier you said… I'm still nice,» I repeated from earlier. Can my lips really express that much? I had unconciously grabbed his sleeve. Still… I didn't let go of him. I couldn't. I felt completely trapped in his gaze. His words. His vibes. For a moment the icy depression in his eyes thawed and his pupils quivered.

«Compared to my doctor… you're just so nice. After he found out that I was deaf, his lips moved so strictly, as if someone ordered him to do so. As if it was forced. But you…» He tenderly narrowed his eyes at me and said: «Your lips still moved so softly and effortlessly… You can't be judgeful.»

My heart tried to pound itself out of my chest at his sugar-sweet words. I kinda felt like… a flower. A spring-time flower that suddenly bloomed just because of one young man. To think that these feelings would bloom again as an adult…

«Y'know…» He started talking again. «I thought I'd stop seeing you as that girl I met last night after this coversation.» I let out a laugh and said: «Is that so? Well, it's kinda weird to remember that so suddenly.» He laughed with me and nodded before saying: «I tried too… But I can't.» I cocked my head to the side and muttered: «So…?» I automatically let go of his sleeve when he put his hand on his hips and declared:

«I've decided to see you as a friend from now on.»

«Um… What?» was all I could say after God knows how long. Was that a confession or something? It sure sounded like it. «You heard me,» he said proudly. I raised an eyebrow and asked: «You know I'm your psychologist, right?» «You know we met yesterday, right?» he asked right back at me with a smug look. I sighed and mumbled: «What difference will it make anyways? You gonna make me wear a matching BFF necklaces?» He laughed whole-heartedly and said: «Worse. I want us to hang out in our free time.»

… That's a date, right? A date? Oh my…. A date! «Would that be… aproppriate?» I asked sarcastically. Kishinuma-kun simply laughed it off as the joke it was, so he didn't answer me. «So like… want my number?» I awkwardly asked. He smiled at me and said: «I gave you my contact information, so I've decided to challenge you.» Challenge me?! Oh… He wants me to call him first. No, wait… TEXT him first. «Um… Sure,» I mumbled and awkwardly scratched my head.

His gaze suddenly fell on my neck. Hm? Right, I was wearing the scarf I made myself. It was two meters long and peach-colored. It was a really cold morning after all. «That's a really pretty scarf,» he said. Surprised at his comment, I asked: «You think so?» «Mhm… Did you make it yourself?» he asked. «Yeah… I put my heart and soul into it,» I said and giggled. «How nice…» he said with a sigh. Just the way he was looking at it with that bittersweet look… There was something hidden behind that.

«I'll see you in a few days then,» he said and gave me a brief wave. Right, his next appointment is in a week. Should I call him…? «Mhm. Have a good day, Kishinuma-kun,» I said and warmly smiled at him. He squinted his eyes just before he closed the door and said in a low voice:

«You too, Shinozaki.»

Oh my god… How the hell does he do that?! How can he just make my heart race like that? He's not a model. He's not some actor or musical artist. He's not a hot athlete. He's just… Yoshiki Kishinuma.

…

«Shinozaki!» I heard Mochida-kun yell the moment I went out of my office. He was all dressed for the cold weather, so he was probably finished. «Hey! You going?» I asked. He nodded and added: «It started raining. You didn't bring an umbrella, did you?» Shit, Kishinuma-kun was right!

«Crap… No,» I said and sighed. He immediately smiled and said: «We can share mine! I was on my way to a coffee shop anyways. Want some? My treat!» Wow… Real sneaky of him. Oh well, he seems chatty enough today. «Yeah, thanks a lot,» I said, walking a bit closer to him. His eyes widened. «S-Sweet! Let's go!» he excitedly said, preparing his umbrella. I giggled and just went with it.

At least I was getting free coffee out of it.

 **A/N: Hmmmm…. Something's up with him, don't you think? Hope you enjoyed! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow, I sure love making Satoshi into a bad guy in my stories, don't I? XD PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 4 ;3**

«So, um… What was the first consultation with your new client like?» is the only question I remember him asking me. That probably means that the other questions were so stupid or so irrelevant that my brain was like «Don't worry, girl. He didn't say anything.» That's so typical Satoshi Mochida. Says a lot of unecessary shit, but I guess that's one of his quirks. He's sort of that idiot you can't help but like. He's an idiot. But a cool idiot.

«It was… fine,» I muttered and put the cup of coffee back down on the table after drinking a large sip. I was about to blabber about how fascinating his was and his issues. I was excited, since it was the first time I had a generally interesting client, so it was so simple to just blurt out a couple of things about him. But then I remember the rule. What I promised him. Oh fuck…

«Uh huh? Just fine?» he asked sceptically. I groaned and said: «What else is there to say? We just talked about his situation and his past when it comes to treatment. Not every single issue is supposed to be solved after the first meeting, Mochida-kun. Never ever.» «Hm…» he murmured out and put the cup to his lips, almost conservative. I saw it as a word of approval, so I didn't say anything and turned my head to the side. Staring out in the nothingness.

«It's pouring down like crazy, isn't it?» he asked, putting his spoon in the cup, most probably since he was finished with his. I nodded in approval. People didn't even bother to walk down the streets with that much rain and that much darkness. I think it was around 10 PM. We stayed there for way longer than I anticipated, but luckily for a good reason. He kept me up with his unecessary prying. «We should probably go now. Thanks for the coffee,» I blankly said and got up to put my coat back on. I expected his usual awkward words of farewell, so I was quite surprised when he coldly asked:

«Are you rejecting me on purpose again?»

I gulped, turned around and met with an expression that was not used to Mochida-kun's baby face. A look of… matureness.

«You've ignored me a lot lately… No, actually ever since I started working there. Even the times you tried to be social, I always get a vibe that you don't wanna be around me,» he said. I blinked twice, my lashes fluttering against the naked skin under my eyebrows. «I… I'm not ignoring you,» was all I managed to say that wasn't completely false. Come to think of it, it's not like I'm doing it because I don't like him. Maybe I'm just… scared?

«Really?» Mochida-kun asked, raising his eyebrow. «Really really,» I said. He looked intently at me for a while and sighed. Was he tired of me now? No, he just got up from his chair and walked a few feet ahead of me when he said: «I want to take you home.»

«H-huh? But Mochida-ku—

«If you're really not rejecting me, let me take you home.»

Come on, Ayumi! Get a grip, girl! It's just one walk… And then, hopefully his thoughts about me will change! I took a deep, shaky breath and followed him outside.

…

It was like he knew everything about me during the whole walk. He knew my steps. He knew the way to my apartment. He… probably knew what I was thinking. I definitely got those vibes from him while we walked to the apartment complex I lived in, even though we didn't say a word to each other at all.

«Thanks a lot for the walk. You really didn't need to…» I bashfully stuttered out. What am I even embarassed about, for God's sake! «Your welcome, Shinozaki,» he plainly stated and all of sudden got closer to me. W-What? Is he going to… Ah, it won't hurt, will it? Mochida-kun put his arm around me for a small hug. I thought it was over there, but when he let go of me…

… He sneakily planted a brief kiss on my cheek.

I was to shocked to even express it through my body. All I could do was to just stand there like a statue even after he walked away, leaving me alone by the entrance. That cheeky little… Did he seriously need to do that just to tease me?! Well, it surely didn't work!

…

All warmed up after a long bath, I sat in front of my laptop to write down my information about Kishinuma-kun. His full name, birth, phone number… He wanted to challenge me. He wanted me to text him first. Ugghhh, my body's shaking! I… I'll call him. But not now. First priority, is to try to help him. Alright, let me think back on what he said…

What he told me wasn't the entire truth. He made that clear to me when he said «the whole» illness. So with him being deaf… It has some kind of extra condition? And it's not something that's being caused by physical damage… There's no way I can see the whole picture with just these equations and no further information. Asking Kishinuma-kun himself…? I could, but not now. Like he said himself, in our free time, he won't see me as his psychologist. This definitely has to do with work, so I won't bother him until his next appointment. Therefore… I only have one person to ask.

…

«Eh? Shinozaki-san? Why would you be calling me this late?» Onizaki-san asked in a very tired, old-woman's voice. Wow. She really is old. Old with style. «I'm very sorry if I woke you up, Onizaki-san…» I started with. She seemed to act friendlier the moment I said that. «Now now, don't worry… Is something the matter?» she asked. «Yes, actually…» I admitted. «Well, go ahead,» she said, almost like introducing a stand-up comedian or something. I sighed and started talking:

«I know it's normal to get out of a first consultation with a client with lots of unanswered questions, but… After my appointment with Kishinuma-kun, it's difficult for me to continue my day without at least a few answered.» «Mm,» she muttered, telling me to continue, so I did: «Did his doctor… ever tell you about his background? Does he have any psychological issues?»

It didn't take that much thinking from her to answer me: «He did mention a few family issues. Between his parents, especially. He said that these troubles might've caused his condition in some sort of way. But further details… I think it's better if you ask him yourself. He seems to have taken quite a liking to you.» Huuuh…? I gulped when I felt my blood boiling in embarassment. «O-Oh? What gives you that idea?» I asked. Onizaki-san laughed happily and said: «It's easy to see! I talked to him when he was on his way out. He was quite cheerful and he was almost dancing as he walked in that gloomy weather. He even praised you!»

My heart stopped beating. I was curious… But it was a really bad idea to ask her what he said. «Shinozaki's a real trophy woman!» That's exactly what he said! I'm not sure in what way he meant it, though…»

As if to make up for the lost beats and adding excitement, my heart raced in my chest. Trophy woman… Trophy woman! «W-Well… I noticed that he's good with words,» I said and giggled. She laughed with me for a while, but knew that we didn't have anything else to talk about. «If that's all, then I would really like to go to sleep right now,» she moaned out along with a yawn. «Alright. Sleep well!» I said cheerfully. She returned the words and hung up. Sigh… Just not having anyone to talk with, felt really lonely. Something was missing. I had courage. Courage that I didn't have just a minute ago. After talking this much about him, I… I…! Oh, fuck it!

Completely posessed by my braver self, I looked back at my notes, dialed his number and started typing a mail.

Oh god… What the hell should I write? I just… I just have to write what I really feel. That's all I need. All I need… Ooooh, it's impossible! I'm getting so nervous by just imagining his face! Phew, calm down… Calm down… My fingers were shaking as they unsteadily typed.

 _Hi Kishinuma-kun!_

 _It's me, Shinozaki._

 _You wanted me to text you, so here you go!_

 _I really don't know what to say, so I guess you can just start the conversation._

 _Seriously, it's really weird to see you outside of work._

 _But as long as we don't keep things awkward, I think it will be okay._

 _That's all really._

… What the fuck have I written?! I looked over it one more time. I've literally written my biggest fears in this text. My fears of what would've happened if we suddenly hanged out together. Is it safe to send this…? I sighed, looking at my fingertips as I pressed the send button. Ugh… I'm just so tired…

I wanna sleep…

…

Rays of sunlight almost blinded me when I opened my eyes. H-Huh…? It's already morning? I rubbed my eyes and flinched at the cold feeling of the phone underneath my arm. Hmmm… Right, the text… The text!

I turned on my phone and completely turned into ice.

 _1 message from unknown number_

Oh my god…

 _I literally woke up the entire apartment complex just now._

 _I hate you._

 _Let's get some food tomorrow!_

 _Seeya :-D_

After reading that message… It was me who woke up the entire apartment complex.

 **A/N: It's a date, then! Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 4! As usual, I would love to hear your thoughts :) UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Chapter 5 is up! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Shinozaki!»

I instantly broke into a smile when I saw his smiling face and the burly shape of his body. He stood right by the cafe me and Mochida-kun went to the day before, but no awkward memories bothered me. My mind was fastened on one guy and only him.

«Hiya!» I cheerfully called out when I got close enough. He grinned and said: «Surprised that you accepted the challenge. Maybe you're slight bolder than I thought?» «Eh?! What's that supposed to mean?!» I yelled at him, punching him in the chest. He laughed, dodging my weak punches like a boss. «Just kiddin'. You're a cute explosion of energy, aren't you?» he asked. I didn't mind the other words. The only word I noticed was «cute». Holy crap, he called me cute! «Yes! I am!» I agreed with the same energy and determination, making him literally lose his shit.

…

«Geez, thanks a lot for giving us free weird looks. I'll pay you back,» Kishinuma-kun whispered discreetly as we sat there by the table with a ice tea and a piece of cake each. My was a strawberry cheesecake and his was a chocolate cake. The cafe was decorated for the Christmas mood, since it was only a few weeks away. I couldn't contain my giggles at his quirky, feminine imitation. Thinking that I did something wrong, I immediately stopped giggling when he suddenly stared at me with a really plain expression. I was going to ask him what was wrong, but threw the idea out of my mind when he suddenly picked out something from his jacket's pocket.

«Huh? The diary?» I muttered as he wrote in the notebook. He looked fascinatingly focused on every single letter he wrote with the black pen and closed it with slight force. It was then I noticed that he had placed a mark on the 6th page already. «Mhm. There's a lot I wanna say, you see,» he explained and put it back in his pocket. «Uh… huh….» I muttered. He's been writing out 6 pages in two days?! And I didn't even think he would use it!

«Hey… Kishinuma-kun?» I asked. He had his cup to his lips, so he hummed out: «Hm?» «Since we are like friends at this moment… I don't have to ask you questions connected to work, do I?» I asked. That was honestly what I wanted to ask the entire time we sat there. Was this supposed to be another hearing or something?

He looked at me for a second and immediately burst out laughing. I coughed awkwardly, making him stop, except that he was still smiling. «Heh, y'know… I was worried there for a moment,» he admitted, embarassed. «Huh? What do you mean?» I asked. «Well…» He scratched his neck, unable to respond for a second. «I was scared that you would ask me questions as my psychologist.»

«Is that so…? Then how do you want me to ask?» I asked, dumbfounded. I really was a little lost. I mean, who was I, other than his psychologist? While smiling for himself, he looked at the tip of his finger as he circled it around the cup. Was he… blushing? He looked up at me with glossy eyes and said in a low voice: «I want you to ask me… as the adorable Shinozaki that bumped into me that day.»

I bit my lip, suddenly getting incredibly nervous and sensitive to just hearing his voice. It's confirmed… He thinks I'm cute. Am I really that cute? Geez, forget that already… «If you say so… Then, gladly…» I accepted and giggled. «First of all, though…» he said, interupting me. «Stop calling me Kishinuma-kun.»

«W-What?!» I blurted out. Only the thought of saying his first name made me go completely nuts inside. «No one used to call me Kishinuma. I'd prefer it more if you called me by my first name,» he said. Did he sound grumpy, or was it just me? «Then… Yoshiki?» I said in a barely audiable voice. It made me feel super weird. «Good enough,» he commented with a grin. «Shut up… The only thing I signed up for was to ask you questions,» I mumbled, embarassed and angry that he made fun of me. «Go ahead, miss,» he casually said, leaning his face in his hand.

«Alright… How did you wake up this morning?» I asked, simply out of curiousity. He chuckled and replied: «Since I'm deaf, I rely more on my eyesight than the average person. I have this lamp that completely enlightens my bedroom in a really bright light in the desireable time. It wakes me up at once and it's much more convinient than a bell.» «Wow…,» I said.

«What do you like to do in your free time?» was next on my list. He chuckled for himself and admitted somewhat shyly: «I actually really love writing.» My eyes widened in suprise. «Writing? Like, fiction?» I asked, even more interested in what he had to say. He nodded and continued: «I tried once, but I figured that real cases were more fitting for me.» «So, you wrote articles?» I asked. «Yeah, I started working for a newspaper just a few months after I turned 20, but I took a break from work 2 years ago,» he answered truthfully. «Because your condition was too troubling?» I asked. «Basically, yeah,» he replied. It's so easy to see that he's really passionate about writing. It must've been really sad to quit it just because of his condition…

«And what about your parents? Were they supportive?» I asked, careful not to push it. That was my biggest fear. I didn't want to get him bummed because of a question about his family. But then again, I wasn't asking him as his psychologist. He looked a little less enthusiastic, with good reason. But surprisingly, he was honest and sincere as he told me: I'm not on very good terms with my parents, shall we say. They split up right before I got diagnosed with my condition, which basically made me drive myself away from them.»

My… He must've been really close to his parents, then. Looking at his pale, trembling hand resting on the table. Felling like he was in need, I took a hold of it, surprised at how cold his hand was. «Is it hard for you to talk about?» I asked. He looked at me and smiled sadly. «I'll gladly tell you, if you're willing to use what I don't have,» he said. I looked into his eyes and promised sincerely: «Always.»

His smile got wider and almost every bit of the grief in his eyes vanished. «They would fight… a lot. I hated it. Dad worked during the late evenings, so that was the only time I didn't need to listen to their yelling and sometimes hits. But during the day…»

Now it wasn't just his hand. His entire body was trembling. It was like he was still scared. Still scared that the fights would turn into a fight between life and death. «Yoshiki?» I called out to him, trying to break the isolation of bad memories around him. «I'm cold… I'm so cold…!» he hissed out between shaky lips.

When people are cold… When people are sad… When people are so lost in crazy emotions… It was only natural to do that, right?

I tightly pressed his face against my chest and placed my arms around his back. His entire body was ice cold and quivering. He didn't resist, since he most probably felt the same as me. All he needed was warmth. I knew that it wasn't just because of his memories about his parents fighting. I felt it. What he felt when he lost his hearing… When he quit his job just because of that weakness he couldn't control… He was letting all of it out, right in front of me. I couldn't be happier…

«Ayumi…» My first name… My heart fluttered when he for the first time, called me Ayumi. «I wonder what you sound like…» he whispered, his hot breath tickling my chest. «Oh, I sound completely average… Nothing to be excited about,» I said, running my fingers through his blonde locks when his body heated up. «No… I bet your voice is beautiful…» he whispered drowsily, almost like he was falling asleep.

The time just flew by. The moments where he calmed down and he saw me off where completely washed out of my mind. All I could think about on my way to work the next 4 days… Was his warmth.

…

«Oh, Shinozaki! What's up?» Mochida-kun cheerfully called out as usual. My feelings about him were a lot different that time, though. I was still so angry at him, and I didn't fear being blunt towards someone like him. After a little hair-flip, I strutted towards him and literally smacked my hand on his desk.

«What the HELL did you do?!»

To my shock, he didn't look surprised at what I did. He just looked at me, showed a little smirk and said: «You're really still thinking about that? Man… It must've been a good one.» My face literally burned in anger and embarassment and I yelled at him: «Shut up! Did you ever hear me ask for a kiss?!»

To my suprise, he got up and walked dangerously close to me.

 ***SLAM!***

He trapped me with his arms on the closest wall and glared at me. I was completely phased at his scary expression. «No. But I still wanted to,» he said. «W-What…?» I whispered. He groaned in annoyance and spat out: «That's what I both love and hate about you. So… innocent and oblivious.» W-What is he talking about? He clenched his teeth and said in a very loud voice:

«Ever since I started working here, I've been having feelings for you! Shinozaki, everyone knew at once! Everyone but you!»

I kept my mouth shut, trying not to let out a gasp. I knew that he was being flirty and teasy, but… He has feelings for me!? Noticing that I didn't have a reaction, he kept talking: «Even the way you seemed so unattainable… I became more and more attracted. I can't fricking stand it…!» I thought it only was a fit of frustration and nothing more. But it quickly turned into something else when he suddenly put his finger underneath my chin. «Shinozaki…»

He breathed out my name and suddenly moved so close to me that our lips roughly touched.

«M-Mn!»

With all the strenght I had, I pushed him off me and yelled at him: «Back off!» As a pure reflex, I ran into my office and shut the door behind me.

 **A/N: Oh shit! Has Satoshi gone completely mad?! What are you guys' thoughts about this fic so far? Plz tell me :) UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: That awkward moment when you were going to write «I'll be sure to tell his aunt» but instead wrote «I'll be sure to tell his anus».**

 **Pffft… XD**

 **Sorry sorry… Alright, chapter 6! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

Oh my god… Oh my god… Calm down. Calm the fuck down. Just forget everything. Forget that he even exists! I violently wiped my moist lips and let out something that sounded like a groan. That… That… That sneaky jerk! Gosh, my heart seriously needs to slow down! Why the hell is it beating this fast anyway?! That was embarassing and disrespectful in so many more ways than one. If he does that without my consent again, I'll be sure to tell his aunt! Wait, what?! Why would I even give him consent?! I slowly, but surely turned insane when I heard the devil behind the door say:

«Your office isn't very safe, y'know.»

«H-Hii!» I gasped out and covered my mouth. Why did he sound so psychotic? All I wanted was to do the same as I did when I was younger… Just cover my ears and block out any kind of sound…

«I'll be waiting for your answer. However, keep in mind that I'm not so patient.»

His echoing footsteps gradually faded and I heard the exit being closed. Weights were being lifted off my shoulders when I reckoned that Mochida-kun was finally gone. Though, I understand where he's coming from. Who wouldn't be frustrated when someone you like doesn't even understand what you feel? He tried to keep his manners, but no wonder he had enough. I appreciate that he's being honest, and I kinda admire him for being so brave. But kissing me so suddenly… I barely accepted one on the cheek!

«Shinozaki-san? Are you in there?»

For the second time, I jumped in surprise. Thank god it was the devil's nice aunt. «Y-Yes! What is it?» I asked. «Could you come out for a second?» she politely demanded. «Ah, of course…» I hesitantely replied, got up and opened the door.

…

She was bitterly smiling, but it didn't touch her eyes. That indicated that this would be a somewhat tough subject. She couldn't have… No, he couldn't have told her! «You wondered about Kishinuma-san's relations with his parents, did you not?» she asked, making me sigh in relief. Thankfully, she doesn't know anything about just recently… «Yes, I did,» I answered. She nodded and informed: «Then, you have the perfect oppurtunity right now. His mother is in my office.»

The color completely drained from my face. His mother is… here? I gulped and asked: «When did she come?» «She gave me a call earlier this morning. Apparently, she had no idea that he was seeing a psychologist until Kishinuma-san's doctor told her. After a small conversation, she asked if she could see his psychologist,» Onizaki-san explained. Oh… Now I'm getting all nervous. What if she's really coservative or something?

Onizaki-san noticed my uneasyness and comforted me: «Don't worry yourself too much. She's a very patient woman.» I gulped again and nodded in approval. I wanted to believe her… But it was hard to do. I didn't know what it was, but I thought of his mother as someone who wouldn't like me. But when I thought about what a woman she could be to create such a wonderful young man… All of my fears disappeared.

«Well then… I'll just tell her honestly what I've found out about his condition so far,» I said. «Have you figured it out?» she asked. «I… have a couple theories. They don't sound completely out of place either,» I said. She nodded at me and told me one last thing: «I believe you, Shinozaki. Good luck.»

…

«I'm coming in,» I said calmly after knocking on Onizaki-san's office twice. I didn't get a reply, but I assumed that she heard me. I turned the doorknob, opened the door and went in, my legs violently shaking.

A woman with lovely, golden, mid-length hair with big waves sat on the chair ahead of Onizaki-san's desk in a very sophisticated fashion. She still had her grey coat on and it went beautifully with her deep-red lips and subtle eye-makeup. She looked up at me with refreshingly light-green eyes and forced a smile out of sadness.

«Hello. My name is Ayumi Shinozaki.» I introduced myself and shook the outstretched hand. «Ayako Kishinuma. It's my pleasure,» she introduced herself back and sat back down on her seat. I didn't feel that proffesional with such a proper lady in front of me, but I tried to keep my pride.

«So Kishinuma-san, as you may know, I'm your son's psychologist. It must've been surprising to find that out so suddenly,» I started with. She didn't react, so I continued: «You are aware of your son's condition, no?» She looked down at her crossed legs and answered: «Indeed… I just can't confirm what caused it.» I nodded at her and added: «His doctor couldn't either. I must admit, it's suprising that it's not caused by any physical damage. However, I think I might be on to something.»

Kishinuma-san's face lit up and she looked at me with widened eyes. «Really…? You don't mind telling me, do you?» she asked. «I will tell you…» I said, but I had a catch. «If you could please tell me a little more about you and your ex-husband's relationship with Yoshiki.» She didn't look very surprised, and even less so as she nodded at me.

«To Yoshiki… Me and my husband always seemed like the perfect couple. The perfect parents. But in truth, we always had troubles. But all of that somehow triggered when he reached his late teenage years. I will never forget… During one of our worst fights, he was covering his ears so tightly in his room while silently shedding tears. He didn't let out a sound. But his tears kept falling down…»

Along with even more clues, Kishinuma-san covered her eyes in agony and let out a quiet sob. «I'm very sorry…» I said with sympathy and stroked her shoulder. She quickly calmed down and straightened up her posture. «So… What could it be?» she asked after wiping away her tears. «I'll try to explain what I think is the most reasonable way possible. Don't hesitate to tell me if you don't understand,» I said at first. She nodded understandingly, so I continued. 

«Kishinuma-san. You see, the human-mind is very powerful. Terrifyingly powerful at times. Take amnesia, for example. For people who have a strong enough will to just remove painful memories from their conciousness, they don't remember those memories. All because of what a powerful mind can do. And also, the placebo-effect. Shortly, if you're given a drug that's been described as something that will reduce the pain in your back, you'll believe that it really does cure your back. And it does work, because you believed it. However, afterwards, you find out that it was actually just a fruit gummy bear.»

«Okay…? What does that have to do with Yoshiki?» she asked confused. I folded my hands together and explained: «In his case… I'm basing this off what you just told me about covering his ears. He didn't want to hear anything, because everything he would hear was his parents fighting. If his will was strong enough…»

It was a lot for her. Her shoulders were shaking and she looked at me with empty eyes. She knew what I was saying, but she didn't want to accept my theory. «… He could have managed to erase his ability to hear by just using that will,» I finished. She covered her mouth in grief and just sat there. What a strong woman to still remain so collected…

«… That's a very pretty scarf,» she said and pointed at the soft, peach scarf wrapped around my neck. Woah… That's exactly what Yoshiki told me. «… You think so?» I asked. She nodded and informed:

«I found a ripped piece of his high-school diary… It said that his biggest dream was to recieve a home-knitted scarf for Christmas. A christmas without his parents fighting and just honest smiles around him…»

 **A/N: Ah, so that's why Yoshiki liked Ayumi's scarf? Hope you enjoyed! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Yaaaaay, summer is finally here! Actually, I'm dying over here in Norway XD SO DAMN HOT! Oh well, enough about me. CHAPTER 7 IS UP! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

The whole way home blocked out the sights of the people and the buildings. My head was completely occupied with thoughts. Yoshiki's mother, Yoshiki himself and… Mochida-kun.

Ugh, my blood starts boiling just imagining his face. But I can't be mad at him forever, since I know where he's coming from. I can't return his feelings. I know that much. The only one I can feel something stronger than friendship for is…

I gulped and slowed down. I… I guess I always knew. But to think that so straight-forwardly is so… so…! Embarassing. I think that's the word. But it's also like I started seeing him in just a little brighter light. So I know how I feel about him. But I can't base my destiny off of those feelings. I need to remember my position. I won't be selfish for now. More than anything, I need to help Yoshiki with his problems, and maybe then we can… Sigh… I started thinking about my theory from earlier. It does make sense. So much that I even have a solution. That goes back to what his mother told me…

 _«It said that his biggest dream was to recieve a home-knitted scarf for Christmas. A christmas without his parents fighting and just honest smiles around him…»_

If my theory is right, then Yoshiki's still deaf because he's still haunted by the idea that his parents are still fighting. But there's one thing I don't get… He said that the nights were the only times where his parents weren't fighting.

Could he regain his hearing during the nights…?

Maybe I shouldn't think too much into it… If I can somehow convince him that everything is fine and that he needs to move forward, then that might just work… But how can I do that? I haven't met his father and I barely know anything about his mother. Isn't something coming up that can somehow bring them together?

Wait… Of course! Christmas! Christmas is next week! If I can bring them together and make them celebrate christmas together and exchange gifts in happiness, then I'm sure he'll be able to get over it! Just a tiny bit of my mind knew the way home as I was reflecting so deeply. I was suddenly in front of the door to my apartment. I almost fricking choked on my saliva. After collecting myself, I unlocked the door and went inside my home sweet home.

…

All that thinking about Yoshiki, made me more and more eager to see him. Not that I hadn't expected that before-hand. This is what it means, eh? To feel like this for someone? Besides… We are friends now, aren't we? Then I guess… It won't be weird to text him! I enthusiastically grabbed my phone and found him in the contact list.

 _What's up, Yosh?_

 _Sorry, I'll stop that XD_

 _How about coming over to my place?_

 _I'll fix up something real good, trust me!_

 _I'll text you my adresse later, k?_

 _Seeyuuu…_

I closed my eyes and held my breath, hoping that he would just see it as a normal friend's request. I don't want him to be suspicious or anything! I tightly clutched a pillow and literally smashed it against my face over and over. I'm slowly losing my mind… What if I can't contain myself when he comes over…? I mean IF he comes over?! Ugh, damn that thought from before! Couldn't I have just ignored it and keep lying to myself?! Suddenly, the screen on my phone lit up. My heartbeat sped up and I read the message I got.

 _Seriously, it makes me uncomfortable when I imagine you talking like that irl._

 _Stop pls._

 _Sounds sweet!_

 _I'll be coming shortly!_

My cheeks were so warm at that moment. Even my eyes were getting really moist. «Yoshiki…» Just whispering his name made me feel so giddy inside…! I swayed left and right, my heart beating out of my chest. Alright, I said I would make something good. Therefore, I'll make something good! Hmmm… Chicken curry? Chicken curry it is! I got up the moment I approved of my thought and ran to the kitchen.

 ***DING DONG!***

Wait, what?! He's here already?! Sigh, alright… I'll just have to deal with it. I lowered the heat on the pan and went to the door to open it.

«Hey,» he said with a purposely fake confidence and chuckled. I laughed with him and returned the greeting: «Hey!» His nose twitched and his eyes widened. «Chicken curry?!» he blurted out, even scaring me a bit. «Um… Yeah… Do you like chicken curry?» I asked nervously. He clenched his fists in excitement and literally yelled out: «Are you kidding?! I LOVE chicken curry!»

I laughed at him and said: «Well, I was making loads!» «Yayyyy!» he yelled out spinning around and gradually ended up in my apartment. Gosh, that was the first time I saw his childish nature…. How cute…!

…

«Oh my gooooood! I love it!» he moaned out… very sexually, his mouth filled with the extra spicy chicken curry. I raised an eyebrow at him. «Really? Everytime I make this for my mom, she always complains about how spicy it is,» I said. He swallowed the load in his mouth and said: «If you haven't figured it out yet, I love spicy food. Suuuuper spicy food.» «Oh my gosh, me too!» I blurted out excitedly. Seriously, the things we had in common meant so much more to me after I admitted my feelings to myself!

«By the way, Yoshiki… What are your plans for christmas?» I asked cheerfully while we ate. Luckily, he didn't look so gloomy about it. «Hmm… I thought about visiting my parents. I do that every year,» he replied. «Oh… So you ARE going to celebrate christmas with your family?» I asked surprised. He nodded, understanding why I would be surprised.

«I do… But it's always the same routine. After giving me gifts, mom and dad start arguing due to comparing gifts. I feel like… every single christmas is not a happy one,» he said sadly. That just broke my heart. It was so easy to see that he even had scars from something as small as that.

«Y'know, Yoshiki… I have an idea for this christmas,» I said after gathering my courage. «Huh?» he asked. I assume he meant «What is it?» «How about both of our nuclear families together to celebrate christmas?» I asked.

He stopped chewing his portion and just looked at me. «You… you serious?» he asked after about 20 seconds. «Dead serious. What do you think?» I asked with a smile. He scratched the back of his neck, clearly having mixed feelings. «Trust me. My parents are very accepting and good-hearted,» I assured him. He shyly smiled and said in a low voice: «I know… Otherwise, they wouldn't have been able to make such an amazing daughter…»

«Huh…?» I asked. That was mean. I clearly heard what he said. But I was so selfish that I… wanted to hear it again. «Nah, never mind… I doubt that you'll believe me, but you're a really strong girl, Ayumi. Even after I acted so reserved towards you, you still sticked with me and tried to help me,» he said. I bit my burning lip in embarassment. Has Yoshiki always thought that about me…?Yoshiki suddenly picked up a notebook from his pocket and his usual black pen and quickly wrote. Wait, is that the diary I gave him? Has he filled out half the book!? «You… have a lot on your mind, don't you?» I asked. «Mm.. I guess,» he muttered and closed it. He always carries that around… I'm glad he doesn't hesitate to let his feelings out, though.

«But y'know… I sticked with you for a reason,» I said, still not satisfied. He looked up at me, his lips a bit seperated. «I just can't leave you in pain like that… I just can't. Only the thought of you living with regrets and scars makes me so sad,» I said, looking down on the floor to hide my reddened face. I had unconciously gotten up from my chair. Even if I can't tell him how I really feel… I can at least give him hints.

«Ayumi…»

I flinched when I felt a pair of soft finger underneath my chin. I looked up at Yoshiki's eyes, so gentle and affectionate. Why… did I feel like crying that moment? Do I really feel this strongly about him? «All the time… You're so sweet that I just feel like I can't even get close to you like this. I could fall apart at any second…»

His voice had a pained ring to it… But it was a pain he barely felt because of the passion. I could almost feel his warming breath on my lips. «Won't you spare me…?» he whispered out, our lips only inches away from touching.

 ***DING DONG!***

We both immediately let go of each other when the doorbell all of sudden rang. «I-I'll be right back…!» he blurted out panicked and ran off to the bathroom. Dammit! Screw that guy who just pressed the fucking doorbell! Ugh… I went to the door and opened it once again.

My jaw literally hit the floor and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

«M-Mochida-kun!?» I yelled, shocked at his sudden appearence. «Shinozaki… I'm sorry, but I really can't wait any longer,» he said, struggling to even say the words. It was easy to see that he had been restraining himself. But I still didn't want to reject him just yet!

«Come on, just answer me! Do you wanna go out with me or not?» he asked me impatiently. I backed away a few steps as he got closer to me. Pfft… You still think I'm strong, Yoshiki? He sighed annoyed and spat out: «You give me no choice…!»

Before I could say anything, he had pinned me against the door and pressed his lips very harshly against mine.

Why did I have a feeling that he'd do this again? I was paralyzed in fear and couldn't do anything while he kissed me so roughly. «Haa… I love you, Shinozaki… I love you so much…!» he breathed out, only to kiss me again. No… That's not true… Based on this behaviour, I can't believe him! My stomach literally twisted when I felt his tongue brushing against my bottom lip. He was strong, so I had to push his cheeks instead of his chest.

I panted while glaring at him. «Bullcrap… It's not me you love. The only thing you love… the only thing…» I whispered out of breath. I collected all of my anger in my throat and literally yelled at him:

«YOU ONLY LOVE THE CONTROL YOU HAVE OVER ME!»

He widened his eyes at me and furrowed his eyebrows. «Get… away from me…!» I hissed out, but of course, he didn't listen. He almost crushed my hips and kissed me again. «Nnf…! Mm!»

«… Ayumi?»

No… Not now…!

At least Mochida-kun let me go, but my mind became completely muddled at Yoshiki's blank gaze. He just stared at me and Mochida-kun. But his look gradually changed into sadness. He looked downwards at the floor, shadows covering his eyes.

«Heh… I guess I'll get going…» Mochida-kun muttered, disappearing as suddenly as he appeared. Everything was so quiet after he left, and I couldn't say muvh that would change the situation. It was only one thing, actually. But no matter how many times I said it…

«Yoshiki… Please, it's not what you think!»

«I'm sorry, Ayumi. I'll get out of the way for now.»

Yoshiki just walked out… Leaving me with only cuts of heartbreak.

 **A/N: Fuck… What will happen next? PLZ review and tell me your thoughts! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: CHAPTER 8 IS UP! PLZ ENJOY ;3**

How many hours have passed? The sun has gone down and I feel as empty as the winter's night. After Yoshiki just left my apartment with just wrong beliefs and misunderstandings about me and Mochida-kun. I know… I'll never forgive Mochida-kun. If he decides to do anything more vulgar, I'll tell Onizaki-san. She's the only one who can do anything about it, considering how weak I am.

But it's not him I'm worried about…

…

Half an hour passed. It was hard to shed tears. Not that I tried to on purpose. I kinda wanted to prove to myself how sad I was. How much I hated myself. How much I wanted to go back in time and kiss him right there before Mochida-kun rang the doorbell. Then, maybe I would've had the courage to show Mochida-kun the door instead of letting him in.

I wrapped my arms tighter around my knees and buried my face in them. He must've went home, right? I mean, where else could he have gone? I don't know where he lives, so it would've been the perfect plan if his plan was to get away from me. Actually… I do have his adresse. I wrote it down during our first consultation. However…

I looked out of the window to the side from the couch and let out a heavy sigh. I don't think seeing him right now is the best idea… It's a bad idea, to say the least. But… Damn it!

I punched the table in front of the couch, frustrated by my complicated feelings. I want to see him… I want to see him, for God's sake! I feel like I might lose my mind at any second if I can't feel his precense! I tightly clutched my head and literally broke down on the couch. And I'm supposed to be a psychologist? Look at me! Seriously, just look at me! I'm a mess. I became this mess ever since I met that guy. That blonde bastard stirred up my mind and emotions so severly that I can't even think properly. He has completely… taken over me.

Ugh… I need some food. Maybe I'll get a grip after ending my hunger. Is there any curry left? I got up from my couch and went to the kitchen to reheat the small leftover in the microwave. While I waited for 3 minutes, I sat down on the dining table. The dining table with one empty chair that Yoshiki used to sit on. I rubbed my eyes harshly, tired and frustrated. Can I please keep myself from thinking about small, heart-breaking details…?

…

My super spicy chicken curry has never tasted this bland before. Maybe the feeling of emptyness nummed my taste buds too? One after one. Bite after bite. The sound of cars in the distance only added to the atmosphere. Come to think of it… My life would've been so much more easier to handle if I didnt't complain about the clients that dealt with love troubles. If I just kept having those clients, I wouldn't have had to deal with Yoshiki's problems. But if I had met him before-hand… which I had… I would still help him.

So…. Would it have been better if I never met Yoshiki Kishinuma?

After I finished eating and washing the dishes, I decided to keep resting by the dining table. I felt like all of my spare-energy had been wasted by opening my mouth. After looking around at the table with an empty gaze, I suddenly noticed something on the empty space on the table in front of Yoshiki's seat.

«The diary…» I murmured out and took a hold of it. The material felt rough sgsint my fingetips when I lifted it up from the table. It feels heavier than when I gave it to him… Has he really been writing that much?! Well, I did say that he should use in when he has to say something he can't say to me.

I can't… It's the same as invading his privacy!

Come on, just one little peep…! I need to know his secrets, for a few seconds at least!

With bad choices roaming over me, I opened the notebook and read the first page.

 _I haven't had a diary since high school. Oh well, guess it's back to the basics! I was really surprised when I saw that the girl that crashed into my last night was my psychologist, but I'm so glad that it wasn't a complete stranger. Plus, she's really cute and smart. And seriously, she's so nice… Even though she found out that I'm deaf, she was still so nice… effortlessly. I really hope she'll be a great help._

I sighed in awe at the way he wrote the paragraph. Well, he IS a writer. That's what you'd except from a guy who used to write for a living. I should have stopped there. But I was carried away by his vocalbulary.

 _I saw Shinozaki with Onizaki-san's nephew earlier. I didn't like it. I don't know why, but my hands were shaking in anger when I saw him make her smile. But when I think back on it now, she's not like that when she talks with me. Shinozaki's eyes literally sparkle when she talks to me. The way her lips move Is really interesting too. Her fingertips shake after a sip of coffee, as if the caffeine is too much energy in one portion. I never thought I'd be this satisfied by just an image of a woman. I'm not either, so I don't know what I'm getting at. I would've loved to hear her voice. I'm sure hers is really cute. Maybe if she visits me one night, I could hear her without her noticing?_

Wait… During the night? Does that means that… Was my theory right?

 _Everytime she's with me, I feel like I can show everything. Like I can let out everything, without any shame. How can I be so confident around her? In the cafe where everybody else were too busy with themselves. I can't forget the feeling of her warm chest pressed against my face. If she could make me feel that special every hour of the day, I'm sure my wounds would finally heal._

The way he had written down his raw feelings anf passion from that time was enough to make my heart soften up and my eyes moist. He has such a pure heart…

 _Lately, I've been so depressed from overthinking situations. «A future with Shinozaki doesn't exist». «She won't ever see you as anyone other than a client». «She won't ever solve your problems. Get over it!» Everytime I think that… It happens all the time. My breathing changes and the fear and anxiety I felt everyday of my teenage-years comes right back at me. My body trembles and all I can do is crouch up somewhere and suffer, the entire night. I want Ayumi to help me, more than anything. But how is she supposed to when I'm too scared to tell her about my real condition?! I'm so helpless that no one can help me right now… All because of Ayumi. Because of her, I can't feel safe with my scars anymore. I've now seen the true identity of my wounds from the past that won't heal. All because of… Ayumi Shinozaki._

 _Great… Now I don't know how to quit her._

Drip… Drip… Tears were falling down, one by one. The tears I'd been holding back the entire day were not hesitating anymore. I'm so sad… but so happy at the same time…! The thing that happens to him during the nights… It sounds awfully lot like seizures. That's not good. That's really not good. The thoughts from just half an hour ago were thrown out of my mind. I quickly turned on my laptop and wrote down his adresse before heading out.

…

 ***KNOCK KNOCK!***

«Yoshiki!»

My throat was already getting worn out by just shouting once. If he can hear me now, then it'll be okay to knock and yell. But he won't recognize my voice. «Yoshiki! It's me, Ayumi! Please, open up!» I yelled, slamming my hands against the door. This won't go anywhere. I put my ear against the wall and searched for any possible noise. Wait…

«Haa….Haa…!»

As if someone was getting chocked, someone was gasping for air. There's no doubt about who that person is.

«I'm coming in!» I screamed as loud as I could and took several steps back, my breathing quickening. No… I need to concentrate. When I thought I was ready, I ran towards the door, lifting my right leg up when I was close enough and kicked it open with all my might.

…

His eyes.

With the door out of the way, my face was completely fixed on his face. He was sitting down on the floor, clutching the sides of his head tightly, his face stained with tears and his lips trembling.

«A-…. Ayumi…?» he whispered out in a weak voice. My heart ripped out of my chest, seeing him as helpless as he seemed there. It felt so real that it was hard not to think that it wasn't. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. I hadn't kicked the door in completely, so it was still working fine. I shut it behind me and walked towards him with careful steps, afraid that I would scare him.

When I got close enough, I sat down in front of him and just looked into his eyes. His eyes were quivering at me. «I knew it… I knew that you would come… You're such a nice girl… There's no way you wanted to be with that guy, anyways… right?» he whispered out.

I struggled with not being able to cry when I cupped his cheek with one hand, gently stroking it. With a trembling hand, he held mine, moved it to his smooth lips and gently planting a kiss on my hand. «Yoshiki… I'll do everything I can to heal your wounds… No matter the cost,» I promised him, feeling the tears build up.

Yoshiki's eyes widened at me and his lips parted. Huh…?

«Ayumi… you… your voice…» he whimpered out, removing his hands and relocating them on my shoulders. Right… This is the first time he's heard my voice. A portion of tears slowly ran down his cheeks as he whimpered: «I knew it… I was right. Your voice is so beautiful…»

He immediately pulled me into his arms and tightly embraced me, letting me feel his breath on the back of my neck. «Yoshiki….» I whispered, returning the embrace. I just closed my eyes and sweeped myself into his affection. «Your voice… is really beautiful…!» he hissed out, embracing me even tighter.

I slackened the embrace so that I could face him once again. With our hands intertwined, I didn't hesitate to move closer to his face. This time… I won't let anyone interupt this moment. After Yoshiki closed his eyes, my courage reached its highest point and I immediately melted my lips into his… for the first time.

…

«Ayumi…»

At some point or another, we had ended up on his bed. We were still holding hands when he kissed me for the second time of the night. It was so much more deeper and passionate… Yoshiki gently pushed me down on the bed and drifted his kisses downwards to my neck, collarbone, breasts…

«Ahh… W-Wait…» I shyly breathed out and hitched up my shirt and pulled down my skirt. Even through the darkness, the red color on his cheeks was so easy to see. He started undressing himself as well, revealing his surprisingly muscular torso.

«Oh… Your skin is so smooth…» he muttered when our naked bodies touched, sending an incredible tingle from my chest to the tips of my toes. Yoshiki gently kissed me on the neck and whispered: «If you really want to be with me… Would you go off to hell with me?»

I looked up at him and ran my hand through his blonde hair. I had my answer ready. It was probably ready from the moment I realized how important Yoshiki was to me.

«Yes… I'll follow you anywhere…»

From there… I just closed my eyes and drifted away in pleasure and love.

 **A/N: Yaaaaaaaay finally! Hope you enjoyed! PLZ REVIEW AND UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: The story is almost finished… Enjoy it while it lasts! PLZ ENJOY CHAPTER 9! ;3**

 _Eh…? What is this wonderful feeling…?_

The sun burned my eyes when I opened them, even though they were protected by my eye lids. My eyes twitched for several seconds before I could fully open them and focus on the lovable face in front of me.

Yoshiki…

He was sleeping very soundly. His arms were tightly wrapped around me, as if I was his precious property. Not wanting to let go of me, ever. I had no idea his arms were this muscular and burly. I squirmed around as I was wrapped in them and snuggled closer into his warm, naked chest. When he wakes up… he won't be able to hear my voice. Now as I've confirmed his condition, then I should explain this to his parents. But first…

I thought back on what I was going to give to Yoshiki as a christmas present. I'd been working on it ever since my conversation with his mother. Speaking of christmas… Maybe I can convince him today? If he accepts, then I'll have to call my parents… My apartment is quite big, so it could be the perfect place to celebrate christmas with all of us, eh? Distracted by my thoughts, I flinched when I felt Yoshiki move around in his sleep and gradually opening his eyes.

«Mm… Mornin'…» he groaned out, pulling me closer to him. «Morning to you too,» I said and giggled. He brushed my messy hair back with his hand and muttered: «Guess we're going to Hell after this, right?» «Definitely,» I replied. «Like, what should I tell Satan? "Yeah, I'm here 'cause I hooked up with my psychologist,» he said and laughed. «Come on, don't say «hooked up!» I pouted and puffed up my cheeks. «Why not?» he asked. «Well… Can't you be more romantic about it? I mean, you ARE really good with words,» I said. Ugh, I just want to smack that smirk off his face.

«Then… Confessed?» he suggested. I shrugged and suggested my honest desire: «How about "made love?" He laughed and stroked my cheek. «You're really cute, y'know that? I guess "making love" isn't that bad, but…» he mumbled. «But what?» I asked sitting up so that the covers weren't covering my upper body anymore, earning a blush from him.

«W-Well…» I showed him a smug smile, crept closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. «What's so wrong about saying "made love"?» I asked, cocking my head to the side. He poked his bottom lip out and finally answered: «I won't answer you, until…» He got up, picked up my sweather from the floor and handed it to me, averting his gaze. «… Until you cover yourself.»

«My gosh, you're such a baby…» I jokingly whispered and started dressing myself along with him. When I think about it, Yoshiki's suggestion was better than mine. Saying «confessed» makes it sound much more emotional, just like it really was. I snuck a peek at him and smiled for myself.

I still clearly remember his face when he heard my voice for the first time.

«Oh… Can I ask you something?» I said when I realized something. «Sure,» he said. «… You knew the entire time that you got your hearing back during the nights?» I asked. He looked shamefully down on the floor and nodded. «Yeah… Listen, I hate talking about it, okay? I really, really hate talking about my condition. I may get my hearing back during the nights, but…»

He clenched his fists and hissed out: «It's during the nights where my wound truly open up. Everything I regret and every bad thought effects me so much that I sometimes end up seizuring. Last night was the worst experience, though. After seeing you with your co-worker….»

I took a hold of his hand. «It was all a misunderstanding, trust me,» I reassured him. He nodded at me and smiled. «I know… It didn't exactly look like you liked his guts. But still… Seeing you kiss someone else made me feel so empty…» he said. My grip on his hand tightened. He felt the same way as me all along…

…

«Really, this is one of the few things I can make gracefully. Please be grateful,» he said in an exaggerated british accent when he put the pan with the eggs and bacon on his dining table. I must say, his apartment was much prettier than I expected. The walls are so pure and white, the rooms are clean and the windows are so large…

«I won't be grateful until I taste it,» I said with a sassy attitude. «Help yourself,» he said with a grin. I didn't need to hear that twice. God, I was starving! I immediately digged in after filling my plate. Huh… It's not that bad, actually. It looked like he knew what I thought just by looking at my face, so he didn't bother to ask me how it was.

«So… Have you thought about it?» I asked. He looked up at me, his mouth stuffed. «Thouh bah wah?» he mumbled. I let out a short laugh and said: «Christmas. What do you think?» «Oh…» He swallowed the load and looked up at the ceiling. God, he hasn't has he?

«… You said you wanted to invite your parents too, right?» he asked. I nodded. «They'll be excited if I say I'll celebrate christmas with my… uh…» He smirked at me and filled out the sentence for me: «Your boyfriend?» My cheeks burned in embarassment. «Are you really…?» I asked shyly. I felt a light hit on my head.

«Idiot,» he spat out at me. I looked at his face and noticed how warm his eyes were despite teasing me just now. «I've had a thing for you for quite a while now and I've finally got you. What else am I to you?» he asked in earnesty. I knew it. He really is good with words… «You're… my boyfriend,» I filled out, feeling my tear ducts heat up. G-Geez, I'm such a softie… Does it really mean this much to me that he wants to be that precious to me…? Yes, of course. He poked out his bottom lip when he noticed this.

«Aw come on, don't cry now…» he soothingly said and stroked my cheek with his fingertips. That only triggered them. I shed two large streams of tears and enjoyed the sensation of him wiping them away.

«Since you're being so sweet… Let's do it,» he accepted with a smile. My face lit up, and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. «Really?!» I blurted out with a huge smile. «Yeah. But with one condition,» he said, placing his index finger on my lips. I cocked my head to the side and he answered:

«Let's celebrate the day before christmas together. Just the two of us.»

My blood rushed excitedly. A christmas… with just the two of us? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! «Oh, gladly!» I blurted out again. He gave me a pat on the head and asked: «Now that that's out of the way… What would you like for christmas?»

I stopped to think for a moment. Come to think of it, I have everything I need, don't I? Well, there are some things I want, but those are only like tiny extras that wouldn't really make my life any better. «Hmm… I would love anything from you, Yoshiki,» I said, smiling at him. He sighed and muttered: «Geez… You're so…»

«It's true!» I interupted him and walked over to where he sat, ahead of him. He opened his arms and invited me to sit on his lap, which I did. «After all… You was the thing I desired the most,» I whispered, listening to his heartbeat. «Ayumi… I'm glad,» he mumbled, looking at me with gentle eyes. «However, I won't give you a present until the day itself,» I said. He shrugged and muttered: «Alright then… That's for another time. Now…»

He tilted his head to the side and planted a small kiss on my lips. «I'd like to stay with you for a bit longer,» he said, his cheeks tinted with red. «Mhm…» I breathed out, lifting my head up for another kiss, much more passionate than the last one.

Oh… I can't wait…

 ***THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS***

«Alright… It may not be Thanksgiving, but…»

I muttered embarrased when I put the tray with the stuffed turkey on the dining table. The sun was just about to go down. My apartment was lit up with candles only and decorated with christmas ornaments and a small christmas tree with only one present; Yoshiki's present for me.

Yoshiki didn't seem to mind, though. His mouth was watering when he saw the steaming hot turkey next to the potato salad and white rice. Not the traditional christmas meal, but it was a special one for the two of us.

«My god… This looks SO good!» he moaned out. «Wait. I've got something else,» I said with a smirk and pulled out the treasure from underneath the table. When he saw the wine bottle, he chuckled at me. «Don't laugh! This is _Pinet Noir_! Expensive!» I pouted. Honestly, I wasn't too keen on wine. But since it's a celebration…

Yoshiki held out his glass and said: «Pour it up, baby.» I laughed at him and did as he wanted. The red substance filled the glass with quite the elegance. After filling my own glass, I raised it, inviting him in for a toast.

«Cheers!» we said in sync and clinged our glasses together before drinking a sip. Oh… This was different. It was kind of a sickly sweet taste that coated my tongue… Hmm, not that bad though. «What do you think? You laughing now?» I asked, raising my eyebrow at him. He licked his teeth and muttered: «It really tastes like… something you'd pour on a cut.»

I laughed whole-heartedly at his description. «Well then, dig in!» I said, immediately digging into the turkey myself. «Yay!» he yelled out like a kid.

With our small talk, time went by much faster than I anticipated.

…

«Are you sure…? I mean, I can open it tomorrow if you want,» I said, unsure. He shook his head and crossed his arms. «I can't wait to see your reaction. Hurry up and open it!» he pouted out unpatiently. «Alright alright…» I sighed and giggled. The package was quite small, but I didn't mind at all. I ripped off the purple wrapping paper carefully, in case it was something fragile. When I finally got a good grip on the small tube, I held it in front of my eyes.

My heart stopped beating.

«No… No… H-How did you know?!» I yelled as if I was scolding him. My hand that held the liquid matte lipstick, named «Demon Soul»; the only color that was darker than «Demon Mist». It was almost black and came out just last week.

Yoshiki laughed and explained: «I thought back on the dark lip color you wore the first time I saw you. I figured you liked dark colors, so…» This was the best present he ever could've given me! I threw myself into his arms.

«Thank you so much!» I yelled out with my eyes closed. Wait, he couldn't have heard me. I mean, he can't understand me if he can't see my lips, and the sun hasn't gone down yet. Then… it won't hurt to say anything, will it..? I smiled mischeviously and whispered:

«I love you…»

«…What?»

My blood turned ice cold. No way… I immediately opened my eyes and froze when I couldn't see the sun above the horizon anymore. The sun is down, so… Oh shit. Why the hell did I say that?! «U-Um…» I stuttered out and let go of him immediately. His eyes were widened and his mouth was half open.

«… Say it again, please…» he whispered, his hands enveloped in mine. I gulped and felt my cheeks redden. I have no choice… The cat is out of the bag. I took a deep breath and said in a low voice: «I love you…»

«Again.»

«I lo-…Mphm!»

He stopped the words from spilling out by covering my lips with his own. I felt his tongue tickling my bottom lip, making me go completely numb. So numb…

…That I don't remember what happened after that.

 **A/N: Next chapter will be the last one ;_; Oh well, UNTIL THEN ;3**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: The last chapter is out :( PLZ ENJOY ;3**

«Alright, let me get this straight for a moment. You met him the day before you found out that you were his new psychologist. And you found out the next day that he was deaf and also exchanged numbers with him. You went on a date and got into some trouble, but in the end you're a couple now.»

I gulped nervously as Yoshiki's father's conclusion. Both my and Yoshiki's parents were now in my apartment the day of christmas, waiting for Yoshiki to come. I told him that they wouldn't come until 6 pm, when they really came at 5 pm, just to surprise him. But first, I needed to introduce myself to the one person who hadn't met me yet. And bloody hell was he conservative…

«T-That is about right…» I replied. He narrowed his eyes at me, making me more scared than I already was. He looked really sceptical, almost as if he didn't believe my story. «And now… You know how to give him his hearing back?» he asked, his face softening up. I nodded. «I am very sure that this will work. But you will have to co-operate with me here, if you truly care about your son,» I said. By the time I said that, Yoshiki's mother Ayako had joined in on our conversation.

«Of course we do!» she desperately said. I nodded at her and said: «All you need to do, is to show how much you love him, without drowning him if you know what I mean.» Isao raised his eyebrow and Ayako nodded at me, but I can guarantee that she was even more confused as he was.

…

«For real, sorry for making you do this…» I apologetically mumbled to mom who was slightly stressing over the turkey sauce. Ah, turkey two days in a row! «Oh, nonsense! Isn't this what I do every christmas?» she asked, making me laugh. «Now now, tell me! What's this boyfriend of yours like?» she asked. «Um…» I nervously laughed again, struggling with the question. Yoshiki is not one thing, and not the other. He's like sweet, but mean sometimes. He's hilarious and has a really weird sense of humor. He's observant, but oblivious to things that are so obvious…

«He's… an idiot,» I eventually answered. «Gosh, is that how you treat him?» mom said, giving me a light hit on the head. «It's true! He really is an idiot!» I said and crossed my arms. «Whatever you say, honey. When is he coming, by the way?» she asked. «He's coming in an hour. You remember the plan, right?» I asked. She nodded and fixed her gaze ond ad who was sitting on the couch, resting. «Your dad too, no matter how much it looks like he doesn't care,» she explained. I nodded and laughed. Dad was always the one who discreetly showed support.

…

 _I'm in the elevator right now!_

 _Seeyu in a sec!_

«Alright everyone, prepare yourselves! He's on his way!» I yelled, making everyone take a step back behind me. Woah, this is kinda like pokemon, holy shit! I took a deep breath when I heard footsteps getting closer and closer to the door. Okay… Prepare yourself for the worst. I clutched my hands into the package in my hands.

 ***DING DONG!***

«It's open!» I yelled. Yoshiki didn't need to hear that twice. The doorknob turned and he opened it as fast as lighting, the big grin on his face disappearing the moment he saw the squad behind me. That was the sign! I took a deep breath and yelled out:

«Everyone! 1, 2, 3!»

«Merry christmas, Yoshiki!»

We all yelled in sync with huge smiles on our faces. I know he couldn't hear us, since the sun had not gone down yet, but it was still fun. Mom and I were laughing at the loudness of our voices, making dad and Yoshiki's parents laugh along with us as a reaction while Yoshiki just looked at us, his jaw hanging in mid-air.

«A-Ayumi… What the hell is this?» he bluntly asked, breathing out a laugh. «It's a surprise!» I explained, raising my hands in the air. He looked over to his parents and muttered: «Mom… and dad?» «Merry christmas, son,» Isao said with a grin, scarily similar to Yoshiki's signature grin. Is Yoshiki… shaking?

«Sorry… I-I gotta go…»

Yoshiki blurted out in a weak voice and sprinted out of my apartment.

«W-What? What just happened?» Ayako whimpered, close to a breaking point. To be honest, I kind of expected that reaction. He was either so shocked that he wanted to run away, or really embarassed. «I'll be back with him in a minute!» I reassured them and ran after him.

…

I thought I needed to run for my life to catch up with him. But surprisingly, he was just by the cafe we once went to together. His back was turned to me and his arms were crossed. He couldn't be mad at me… could he?

I put my hand on his shoulder, making Yoshiki jump, startled and turn around. His terrified expression calmed down when he saw that it was me, though.

«Hey… Sorry about that,» was the first thing that escaped his lips. I grabbed his hand and said: «You had all right to be shocked.» He then shook his head, explaining: «It wasn't just because of the shock… Mostly, I felt like I didn't deserve that.»

«What do you mean?» I asked, suprised at this new side of Yoshiki. «Well… Looking back on it, I've talked a lot about the things that bothered me in the past. And then you come and make it all worth it… That just makes me feel like a spoiled brat who gets everything he wants,» he explained.

I sighed and flicked him on the forehead. «Ow!» he pouted, but I didn't bother to apologize. «Idiot! I told you last night, didn't I?!» I scolded him. «W-What…?» he asked, dumbfounded. I grabbed his other one too, forcing him to look at me.

«I said "I love you". Quite a load of times, too! I wouldn't lie about that, so stop seeing yourself as a toy to me, because you're not!» I said. His hands went completely numb in mine. «… My gosh… What am I supposed to do now?» he painfully whined out. He covered his mouth in embarassment and mumbled:

«I feel like I'm going to fall apart…»

«Hold on. I've got something else for you,» I said, handing him the package. He cocked his head to the side, so I made it clear to him. «It's your christmas present.» His eyes widened and got filled with life. «For real? Can I open it now?» he asked, taking the package out of my hands. I nodded at him, and he mercilessly ripped off the wrapping paper and turned completely speechless.

«T-This is….» he just barely managed to whisper out. I smiled at him and said: «A little bird told me that you've always wanted a homemade scarf. I didn't know your favorite color, though…» His lips trembled and he had to cover his mouth again. But this time, two tears ran down his cheeks from each eye. «Ayumi… You're just so amazing…!» he hissed out, tightly shutting his eyes. As If I was comforting a crying child, I hugged him and stroked his back.

«Anything for you, Yoshiki…»

«…Say that again.»

It sounded like his voice was being tightened. What? He can't see my lips right now. And the sun isn't down, is it? I looked up at the sky and I was right. Then, how could he…? No way.

«It… worked?» I gasped out and looked Yoshiki directly in the eyes. The sun isn't down. He understood what I said, even though he couldn't see my lips during. Then, that must mean…!

«Ayumi!» Yoshiki yelled out and embraced me much tighter, trying to squeeze the life out of me. «Oh my god…!» I whimpered out, tears of joy staining the shoulder of his jacket. I did it… I did it, for real! Yoshiki's body felt so warm… So warm that I just forgot every worry in my mind.

«Ayumi… Say that you haven't done anything to help me. I dare you,» he said, cupping my cheeks in his big, warm hands. «…I'll pass,» I whispered closing my eyes as he leaned in. It was then I realized how cold my lips were, since his were so hot… I wrapped my arms around Yoshiki's neck while trapping my lips in his own.

That cold christmas night… In between kisses I could clearly recall Yoshiki whispering in my ear:

«I love you… Ayumi…»

I know I wasn't imagining things.

…

Tears of relief were in Ayako's eyes when we finally returned and explained what happened. It warms up my insides every time I think back on their reaction and the laughter of us opening the rest of our presents and eating the turkey mom was struggling so much with. They were all small parts that made it into the best christmas ever. That honest smile on Yoshiki's face…

…made me realize that I may just have saved his life.

 ***4 weeks later***

«A month, huh…»

I repeated those painful words again. «Yup… Dad said it was for my own good. I'm really sorry,» Yoshiki apologized once again. It had been a month after Yoshiki finally got his hearing back. But he was still somehow struggling with his past issues, which is why his parents suggested therapy. A therapy camp was held in Osaka, so he would stay there for a week and hopefully deal with the smallest of problems that were remaining.

«Please, don't say sorry. Like your dad said, it is for your own good,» I said. He sighed and pinched my cheek. «I'm glad you think that… But I'll miss you,» he admitted, embarassed. «Me too, Yoshiki,» I said, stroking the red scarf that was wrapped around his neck. Surprisingly, he grabbed that hand and moved it to his lips, kissing it.

«That's not what I want, dummy…» I said, annoyed and jokingly puckered up my lips. He laughed and suprised me with a small kiss on the lips, whispering: «Call me first.»

I smiled at him as he went to the bus that had been waiting quite a while for him. I watched every single move while he walked to the closest seat to the window where he could see me. Struggling not to shed a tear, I blew a kiss at him and mimicked:

«I love you.»

He smiled at me from the window and mimicked back:

«I know.»

The seconds that followed from then on, was me seeing Yoshiki Kishinuma off to the road of a new life with him.

 **THE END**

 **A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING SOUND OF SILENCE! It would lighten up my day to hear you guys' final comments, so don't hesitate! (entirely optional, of course) I do have another story in mind, but it'll take a while until I start writing it, all because of the writing school, plus I'll be going to Cyprus for two weeks with my family. Can't wait! I'll have to wait and pray every night for their answer until the middle of June DX Sigh… Anyways, I should stop talking XD UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3**

 **Senpai's Boo is out ;3**


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